On Vulnerability — A Personal Story

Where are you right now?

What are you doing?

What are you feeling?

What are you experiencing?

Where are you, in body and mind?

And what do you notice, as you take the time to observe yourself? Are you experiencing any symptoms of stress, anxiety or panic?

And, if you were — if you are — what might that look and feel like for you?

For me, it feels like a whirlwind. Racing thoughts, an inability to focus, a persistent but non-specific feeling of fear and self-doubt. Questioning everything, but not in a good way.

I woke up this morning feeling ‘off’.

Actually, I lie — it started last night.

I was being hard on myself. One of the biggest things that comes up for me when I feel like this is a (self-imposed) pressure to be perfect. A sense that I am fundamentally wrong, or if not ‘fundamentally wrong’ then at the very least ‘not good enough’. That no matter what I do, I am scrambling, and everyone can see it. That feeling of being laughed at, humiliated, out of your depth. An excruciating focus on my flaws, or the things I could be better at. A need to be something other than what and who I am today.